What’s Your Attachment Style? Understanding How You Connect in Relationships
Research from large-scale national surveys shows that 63.5% of adults report secure attachment, while 22.2% are avoidant, 5.5% are anxious, and 8.8% fall into other categories. But here’s what matters more: people with insecure attachment styles are significantly more likely to experience loneliness and relationship difficulties. Understanding your attachment pattern is the first step toward building healthier, more fulfilling connections.
Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, explains how our early relationships shape our adult patterns of connection. The four main styles are Secure (comfortable with intimacy and independence), Anxious-Preoccupied (craves closeness but fears abandonment), Dismissive-Avoidant (values independence over intimacy), and Disorganized (inconsistent patterns). Over 50 years of research confirms that secure attachment is positively associated with psychological well-being and relationship satisfaction.
How This Attachment Style Quiz Works
Answer 15 questions about how you typically behave and feel in romantic relationships and close friendships. Focus on your automatic reactions and genuine patterns — not how you think you should behave. Your result will reveal your dominant attachment type with strategies for leveraging your strengths and addressing your challenges in relationships.
When starting a new romantic relationship, your typical feeling is:
Excited and optimistic — you're ready to see where it goes naturally
Nervous and overthinking — you're already worried about getting too attached
Cautious and detached — you're keeping your emotional distance
Confused and conflicted — part of you wants closeness, part of you wants to run
When your partner seems distant or quiet, you tend to:
Feel anxious and immediately try to figure out what's wrong
Give them space and check in later when the time feels right
Feel both rejected and relieved at the same time
Feel relieved and use it as an opportunity to focus on other things
How comfortable are you with emotional vulnerability?
Terrified but desperately want it — it feels impossible to get right
Comfortable when it's mutual and the timing is appropriate
I open up quickly but often worry I've shared too much
Uncomfortable — I prefer to keep my deeper feelings private
When conflicts arise in your relationship, you:
Shut down, withdraw, or change the subject
React unpredictably — sometimes fight, sometimes flee
Address it directly but calmly, focusing on solutions
Get emotional quickly and sometimes say things you regret
How do you feel about your partner having close friendships outside the relationship?
Supportive — healthy friendships make for a healthier relationship
Worried — you sometimes feel threatened or left out
Confused — you want them to be independent but also worry about being replaced
Indifferent or even relieved — it takes pressure off you
Your approach to commitment in relationships is:
Inconsistent — you crave it but also fear it intensely
Hesitant — you value your freedom and worry about feeling trapped
Steady and intentional — you commit when it feels right and stick with it
Eager but anxious — you want commitment but worry about being rejected
When you miss your partner, you typically:
Feel anxious and need frequent contact to feel secure
Enjoy the feeling and look forward to seeing them again
Rarely miss them or quickly distract yourself
Feel overwhelmed by the intensity of missing them
How do you handle it when a relationship ends?
Feel relieved and quickly shift focus to other areas of life
Grieve appropriately, learn from it, and eventually move forward
Cycle between desperate attempts to reconcile and complete withdrawal
Struggle intensely with the rejection and have trouble letting go
Your biggest fear in relationships is:
Hurting someone you care about or being hurt beyond recovery
Being abandoned or rejected by someone you love
Growing apart due to poor communication or taking each other for granted
Losing your independence or being overwhelmed by someone's needs
When your partner is going through a difficult time, you:
Offer consistent support while encouraging them to process their feelings
Feel uncomfortable with their emotions and encourage them to 'move on'
Try to fix everything and sometimes take their pain personally
Want to help but feel overwhelmed and sometimes make it about yourself
How do you feel about long-distance relationships?
Actually prefer them — less pressure and more personal freedom
Challenging but workable with good communication and trust
Extremely difficult — the uncertainty and separation feel unbearable
Impossible — you either obsess about what they're doing or emotionally shut down
Your self-worth in relationships tends to be:
Variable — you feel good when they're happy with you, terrible when they're not
Chaotic — it swings wildly based on how the relationship is going
Stable — it doesn't depend heavily on your partner's mood or behavior
Protected — you don't let relationships affect how you see yourself
When it comes to expressing love and affection, you:
Express it naturally and consistently in ways that feel authentic
Find it awkward and prefer to show care through actions rather than words
Alternate between being overly affectionate and completely distant
Sometimes over-express to get reassurance, then worry you're too much
How do you feel about the future of your current or most recent relationship?
Hopeful but worried — you want it to work but fear it won't
Optimistic but realistic — you'll work together to build something lasting
Uncertain — you don't like to think too far ahead in relationships
Conflicted — you simultaneously hope it works out and expect it to fail
Which statement best describes your relationship patterns?
I keep relationships surface-level to avoid complications
I fall hard and fast but struggle with the ups and downs
I build healthy relationships slowly and maintain them well
My relationships tend to be intense, chaotic, and unpredictable
Secure Attachment
Your Attachment Type: The Relationship Builder
You have a secure attachment style, representing about 60% of the population. You’re comfortable with both intimacy and independence, express your needs clearly, and handle relationship challenges with emotional maturity. You trust that conflicts can be resolved and that good relationships require effort from both people.
Your Strengths
- You communicate needs and boundaries clearly without being aggressive
- You trust your partner while maintaining your own identity and interests
- You handle conflict constructively, focusing on solutions rather than blame
- You provide consistent emotional support while encouraging independence
Your Blind Spots
- You may not recognize insecure attachment patterns in partners early enough
- You might underestimate how much emotional support insecure partners need
- You could become complacent and take relationship health for granted
- You may struggle to understand why others find relationships so difficult
How to Channel This
Help partners with insecure attachment feel safe through consistency and patience. Learn to recognize different attachment signals early in dating. Continue developing emotional intelligence and conflict resolution skills. Use your secure base to help others develop more secure patterns over time — your stability is genuinely healing for partners who haven’t experienced it before.
Ready to Talk to Someone? If you want to understand your patterns more deeply, talking to a professional can help. See our recommended therapy options →
Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment
Your Attachment Type: The Connection Seeker
You have an anxious-preoccupied attachment style, found in about 20% of adults. You crave close relationships and are highly attuned to your partner’s emotional state, but you often worry about abandonment and may seek excessive reassurance. Your relationships tend to be intense and emotionally charged.
Your Strengths
- You’re deeply empathetic and emotionally intelligent
- You’re committed and willing to work hard on relationships
- You notice subtle changes in mood and respond to others’ needs
- You bring passion and emotional depth to your connections
Your Blind Spots
- You may interpret neutral behavior as rejection or disinterest
- You sometimes overwhelm partners with your need for reassurance
- You might lose yourself in relationships and neglect your own needs
- You can become emotionally reactive during conflicts
How to Channel This
Practice self-soothing techniques when feeling anxious about your relationship. Build a strong sense of self outside the relationship through hobbies, friendships, and personal goals. Learn to distinguish between your anxiety and actual relationship problems. Communicate your needs clearly but without pressure — and remember that your emotional depth is a gift, not a burden, when channeled with self-awareness.
Ready to Talk to Someone? If you want to understand your patterns more deeply, talking to a professional can help. See our recommended therapy options →
Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment
Your Attachment Type: The Independent Spirit
You have a dismissive-avoidant attachment style, representing about 20% of adults. You value independence highly and feel uncomfortable with too much closeness. You prefer to rely on yourself rather than others and may suppress emotional needs to maintain autonomy and avoid vulnerability.
Your Strengths
- You’re highly self-reliant and emotionally stable under pressure
- You don’t lose yourself in relationships or become codependent
- You’re rational during conflicts and don’t escalate emotionally
- You respect boundaries and give partners space to be themselves
Your Blind Spots
- You may struggle to express emotions or ask for support when needed
- You sometimes dismiss your partner’s emotional needs as excessive
- You might avoid difficult conversations that require vulnerability
- You could appear cold or detached when your partner needs emotional connection
How to Channel This
Practice identifying and expressing your emotions in low-stakes situations first. Recognize that your partner’s need for closeness isn’t weakness — it’s a different but equally valid way of connecting. Learn that vulnerability can actually strengthen rather than threaten your independence. Work on staying present during emotional conversations instead of retreating into logic.
Ready to Talk to Someone? If you want to understand your patterns more deeply, talking to a professional can help. See our recommended therapy options →
Disorganized Attachment
Your Attachment Type: The Complex Connector
You have a disorganized attachment style, representing about 5-10% of adults. You simultaneously crave and fear close relationships, often feeling conflicted about intimacy. Your relationship patterns may seem inconsistent because you’re caught between wanting connection and protecting yourself from potential hurt.
Your Strengths
- You’re highly resilient and have survived difficult experiences
- You have deep empathy for others who struggle with relationships
- You’re capable of intense, meaningful connections when you feel safe
- You bring a unique perspective and emotional depth to relationships
Your Blind Spots
- You may send mixed signals that confuse partners
- You sometimes sabotage relationships when they start going well
- You might struggle with emotional regulation during relationship stress
- You could have difficulty trusting your own judgment about people
How to Channel This
Consider working with a therapist who understands attachment theory and trauma. Practice mindfulness to help you notice when you’re feeling conflicted about closeness. Build self-awareness about your patterns so you can communicate them to partners. Focus on developing a few very secure relationships rather than many surface-level ones — and be patient with yourself, because rewiring attachment patterns is possible but takes time and intention.
Ready to Talk to Someone? If you want to understand your patterns more deeply, talking to a professional can help. See our recommended therapy options →
Take More Quizzes
Enjoyed this attachment style quiz? Explore more relationship and psychology assessments:
- Love Language Quiz — Discover your primary way of giving and receiving love.
- Communication Style Quiz — Learn how you naturally communicate and connect with others.
- Manipulation Test — Identify if someone in your life is using manipulative tactics.
- Self-Confidence Quiz — Assess your true confidence level in relationships and life.
- Fear of Failure Test — Discover if fear is holding you back from deeper connections.
- Leadership Style Quiz — Understand your natural leadership approach in relationships.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the 4 attachment styles in psychology?
The four attachment styles are Secure (comfortable with intimacy and independence), Anxious-Preoccupied (craves closeness but fears abandonment), Dismissive-Avoidant (values independence over intimacy), and Disorganized (inconsistent patterns of connection and withdrawal). Research shows about 60% of adults are secure, 20% are anxious, 20% are avoidant, and 5-10% are disorganized.
Can your attachment style change as an adult?
Yes, attachment styles can change through positive relationship experiences, therapy, and conscious personal development work. Studies show that people can develop “earned security” by building self-awareness, practicing emotional regulation, and experiencing consistent, healthy relationships. The goal isn’t to completely transform overnight, but to gradually develop more secure patterns of connection.
How does attachment style affect relationship satisfaction?
Attachment style significantly impacts relationship satisfaction. Securely attached individuals report higher relationship satisfaction, better communication, and more effective conflict resolution. Those with insecure attachment styles often struggle more with trust, emotional regulation, and intimacy. However, understanding your style and working with compatible partners can lead to healthy, satisfying relationships regardless of your starting point.
