How often does your partner criticize you?
Almost never
Occasionally
Often
All the time
Do you feel like you have to hide things from your partner?
No, never
Rarely
Sometimes
All the time
How often does your partner make you feel guilty?
Almost never
Occasionally
Often
Always
Does your partner frequently remind you of your past mistakes?
No, never
Rarely
Sometimes
All the time
How does your partner react when you disagree with them?
They respect my viewpoint
They’re slightly upset but we discuss it
They get angry and defensive
They shut me out or punish me
Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around your partner?
No, never
Rarely
Sometimes
All the time
Does your partner make decisions without consulting you?
No, never
Occasionally
Often
Always
How often does your partner belittle or mock you?
Almost never
Occasionally
Often
All the time
Do you feel valued and respected in the relationship?
Always
Mostly
Rarely
Never
Does your partner use threats (subtle or overt) to control you?
No, never
Rarely
Sometimes
All the time
Do you feel isolated from friends and family due to your partner?
No, never
Rarely
Sometimes
Always
Does your partner blame you for their negative emotions or actions?
No, never
Occasionally
Often
Always
How often does your partner make you feel like you’re overreacting or too sensitive?
Almost never
Occasionally
Often
All the time
Does your partner make you feel like you owe them?
No, never
Rarely
Sometimes
Always
How often does your partner invalidate your feelings or opinions?
Almost never
Occasionally
Often
All the time
Do you find yourself justifying your partner’s actions to yourself or others?
No, never
Rarely
Often
Always
Does your partner frequently make “jokes” at your expense?
No, never
Rarely
Sometimes
All the time
How often does your partner show genuine interest in your day or your feelings?
Always
Most of the time
Rarely
Never
Does your partner compare you to others in a negative way?
No, never
Rarely
Sometimes
Always
Do you feel free to pursue personal interests without fear of retaliation or guilt trips from your partner?
Always
Mostly
Rarely
Never
No Manipulation
Interpretation: Your relationship appears to be built on mutual respect and understanding. This means that both you and your partner value each other’s boundaries, feelings, and thoughts. You likely have a foundation where open communication is encouraged, and any disagreements or issues are addressed in a constructive manner. Your relationship probably fosters growth and understanding, allowing both partners to feel secure, loved, and valued.
Recommendation: Continue to nourish this environment by actively engaging in relationship-building activities, regular check-ins, and ensuring both parties feel heard and validated.
Book Recommendations for improving your relationship further:
1. “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman
2. “Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love” by Dr. Sue Johnson
3. “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by Dr. John M. Gottman and Nan Silver
Note: This questionnaire is for general awareness only. If you are in any way unsure or unsafe, it’s crucial to seek guidance from professionals or trusted individuals in your life.
Low Manipuation
Interpretation: There might be some occasions where one feels undervalued, unheard, or pressured. These instances can be subtle and may not necessarily indicate a harmful pattern yet. However, even infrequent manipulative behaviors can escalate over time if not addressed. It’s essential to recognize and address these early signs to ensure that the relationship remains on a healthy path.
Recommendation: Consider having open conversations about any discomforts and setting clear boundaries. Engaging in couples therapy or relationship workshops might also be beneficial to strengthen communication.
Book Recommendations for improving your relationship further:
1. “Boundaries in Relationships: Understanding the Choices that Make or Break Loving Relationships” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
2. “Love Is Respect: Building a Healthy Relationship” by Aimee Horowitz
3. “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love” by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Note: This questionnaire is for general awareness only. If you are in any way unsure or unsafe, it’s crucial to seek guidance from professionals or trusted individuals in your life.
Medium Manipulation
Interpretation: A score in this range suggests a pattern of manipulative behaviors that is becoming more pronounced. Such behaviors might involve guilt-tripping, emotional withholding, subtle threats, or constant invalidation. These patterns can harm the well-being of the person on the receiving end and can erode the trust and safety essential for a thriving relationship.
Recommendation: It’s crucial to not brush these signs under the rug. Seeking therapeutic intervention or counseling can be beneficial to address and navigate these behaviors. One should also consider building a support system outside of the relationship to ensure clarity and well-being.
Book Recommendations for understanding and dealing with this situation:
1. “Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal with People Who Try to Control You” by Patricia Evans
2. “In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People” by George K. Simon
3. “Who’s Pulling Your Strings? How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life” by Harriet B. Braiker
Note: This questionnaire is for general awareness only. If you are in any way unsure or unsafe, it’s crucial to seek guidance from professionals or trusted individuals in your life.
High Manipulation
Interpretation: This score indicates strong and consistent manipulative behaviors. These behaviors can be emotionally, psychologically, and even physically damaging. Relationships with such dynamics can often make the individual feel trapped, fearful, or constantly on edge. It’s essential to recognize that such dynamics are not conducive to a healthy relationship and can have long-term detrimental effects on mental and emotional health.
Recommendation: It is crucial to prioritize personal safety and well-being. One might need to consider seeking external help, either through professional counseling or by reaching out to trusted friends, family, or authorities. Support groups or organizations focusing on abusive relationships can also provide guidance and resources.
Book Recommendations for understanding and dealing with this situation:
1. “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” by Lundy Bancroft
2. “The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond” by Patricia Evans
3. “The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships” by Patrick J Carnes
Note: This questionnaire is for general awareness only. If you are in any way unsure or unsafe, it’s crucial to seek guidance from professionals or trusted individuals in your life.
